Park on your own Responsibility and 3, there, THERE exclamation points!!! (did I ever told you I completely detest exclamation points used frantically? ) 

Saw this sign right across the place were I do pottery sessions. You know, for relaxation. For calming my mind, for putting my anxiety to rest, for not overdosing on Xanax, you know, stuff like that. Stuff every young adult who does not want to go at the mental hospital at 35 does in 2018 to keep himself sane. Or at least give himself the illusion of sanity. 

Anyways, the Park on your own Responsibility sign was a reminder of who I was in the last three years. Always on the verge of snapping, always in front of a possible breakdown, always on the edge, always shouting, making such a big drama/deal out of nothing. Two years ago when I was diagnosed with chronic exhaustion I took it very lightly. So verrryyyy lightly. Until last December. I was at the end of a really good but extremely hard year and one apparently insignificant incident released a trigger which made me see things in a much more clearer way. 

The equation was simple: I will either put myself first and asap or turn into an exhausted Cruella De Vil (and you know how much I adore Curella but just her looks & social anti-social behavior, not her totally bonkers mind) without any chance to ever recover!

So, as any mature young adult would have done: I chose myself. Not before drinking my brain for a week in torment. But at he end of that week I chose to really not give a fuck about others may want or expect of me, I chose to look clearer at what I want and I chose to stop proving myself: that I am a good person, that I mean good, that I deserve to be valued, appreciated, loved. And yes, I can assure you, this was the first time I succeeded. I always said this thorough the years but they were just illusions. You need to fall at a certain point in life to be able to get up for real. The rest are just illusions. Helpful ones but nonetheless: illusions. 

So the first thing I wanted to incorporate in my daily routine was Meditation. It was a very hot topic on everyone-who’s-anyone in the lifestyle zone list since 2016. I have read a lot about it during these two years, I have tried Headspace or Calm for guided meditations, I bought a mattress, energy bowls, crystals or essential oils and I was ready – although skeptic – in receiving this wave of balance and peace into my daily routine. 

Gucci shades from Koptic.ro – Pas du Tout coat – JW Anderson bag – Zara slides 

Living a self-aware life does not exclude my magnificent Huawei UltiMate #sorrynotsorry #notDalaiLamayet

Photos by Alexandru Rosieanu

Dear God, I have written a novel already. And I’m not even drunk. Anyways, long story short before you fall asleep with the head on your desk, here are a few conclusions I have today, exactly two months after I started to meditate:

• Meditation means to become aware of yourself, your life, and the essence of your existence.  The mind is a tool to get closer to reality and the way things are.

• Now I start to agree that a clear mind is capable of achieving the impossible.

• Before you get started, remove all impure thoughts from your head and make peace with people and happenings that troubled you. Sit down in a balanced manner. Close your eyes gently and try to focus on your breathing. Observe how the air is going in and out of your body. Then, get to observing other aspects of your body (if you’re new to this try guided meditation at first, I used Headspace for over a year before and it really helped my get familiarized with the meditation language).

• Various thoughts will crop up in your head and distract you, but do not let them stop you. Keep trying. Gently refocus each time your thoughts tend to wander. It is imperative to be mindful of your breath because it serves as a referral point for your focus. Every time your mind wanders, you can bring it back to stability by concentrating on the breath – it keeps the mind from wavering. Also, breathing helps you go into a meditative state. Keeping your mind free of negative thoughts and focusing on your breath and breathing right isn’t easy at all, but don’t give up. Don’t judge yourself for straying. Always try to get back on track, gently yet firmly. Slowly, you will feel the awareness kicking in. 

Lately my attachment to worldly matters decreased and I learned to look at life beyond that. I became more forgiving and begin to look at life much more positively. Take this post for example, I randomly took three pics and wanted to just state a small idea into a crisp post. Writing this much was extremely hard for my very tired mind in the last months, now it came easily and naturally. Ok, I’ll stop. Ok. Ok. Goodbye. See you soon. Ohh, yes, to show you my pottery activity.